The Westler Valley Voice
Opinion
— Editorial —
The Youth of Westler
Children these days! They tend to get carried away and dare I say dramatic in today’s day and age. Though many are reasonable and have some sense, there is almost an equal amount prone to the hysterics or even worse fib-telling.
Why just the other day I overheard a boy talking about being baked into a pie! What tomfoolery is this? A pie! A human couldn’t fit into a pie tin if they tried.
Now, I would agree that it is no fault of the parents that this occurs, I have observed that it is simply a stage that children go through. But more and more, I find that parents aren’t correcting the behavior and the rot is growing ever worse with the youth.
A firm hand and straight ideals, that is what we need more of in this town!
— Letters —
Advice from Miss Bella Berta
Sound counsel for the troubled folk of Westler Valley
Dear Miss Bella Berta,
I have a daughter who is of a tender age, that has a tendency to disappear for long durations of the day. What’s worse is that she tends to take some of our livestock with her to keep her company. And she always, ALWAYS comes home with tall tales! Just the other day she said she was in the Asper Woods with a new friend and was attacked by a wolf. The only reason she was still alive is because a goose saved her. Now how much more fibbing can this girl do?
Please, I need advice to help get her to stop lying and stay closer to home.
Sincerely,
Overworked Mother
Dear Overworked Mother,
Perhaps you should take your daughter out to the middle of the woods and have her stand there alone. Pretend to leave her and see if the scary noises don’t scare her right into behaving better? Just stand right outside the woods and wait for her to come yelling out and attach herself to your legs. You won’t have to even try to keep her close to home anymore. She will have figured it out.
Dear Miss Bella Berta,
My baby boy fancies a girl at school. Not that he’s mentioned it to me or anything. Just noticed him day dreaming a lot and wrote a girl’s name in the dirt with a stick. As soon as he noticed me looking at it, he wipes it away with his foot.
He’s only twelve years old. What should I do?
With Regards,
Love Sick Son
Dear Love Sick Son,
Puppy love abounds no matter what age your child is. To them, age is just a number. My advice, if you have a long piece of rope? Tie him to a chair and have him sit there until he’s twenty years old. Then let him loose when he’s no longer under your roof.
Dear Miss Bella Berta,
The advice you give on your column is absolutely ridiculous! You blame children and parents for the troubles in this valley. I promise you that troubles existed here long before today. Look no further than your own Local History page and I’m sure you’ll see the issues that have been around for centuries!
I mean, I have a daughter who is the picture of perfect. She gets all top marks in her schoolwork and has the loveliest group of friends. I’m sure you would find some problem with her like calling her a bully and think that another troubled child from her class should deal with her. Throw something at her like a snake or a spider! (I’m just thinking of the most far-fetched things I can come up with because that’s what your advice is!)
You should end this column immediately!
Affectionately,
Angry Father
Dear Angry Father,
WOW! You feel better after that rant? I sure hope so. I won’t pretend to know you or the child in question but I will say, if she has good marks in school, she might get a big head. That does lead to arrogance and mean words. Not everyone in her class may appreciate that.
But I will leave this conversation right here and let you handle your child however you think is best.